


clichés don’t matter.

by jeonginks



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Best Friends, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Slow Burn, a bit slow burn this is a oneshot how slow burn can it get, cliche as the title already said
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-21
Updated: 2019-09-21
Packaged: 2020-10-25 11:18:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 19,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20723348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jeonginks/pseuds/jeonginks
Summary: best friends argue from time to time. the good thing is that they tend to stick back together at the end.





	clichés don’t matter.

“You know we live in a giant cliché trope right?”

Seungmin looked away from his book, his eyes curious and his brows furrowed ever so slightly as he stared at you from his bed. The book in his hand tilted a fraction as he, for only a brief moment, contemplated what you meant by “we live in a giant cliché trope.”

“Is that right,” he hummed boredly, deciding to humbly agree with you only so he could get your blabbering mouth to shut up for once despite being pretty sure his attempts would be to no avail.

Returning his attention back to his book, Seungmin found that he set his mind elsewhere from the pages and instead on your question, specifically about how you and he would fit under the cliché category, he might admit.

Let him think for a moment.

Starting with you two being childhood friends, the neighboring kind plus the ‘we go to the same school’ kind. From kindergarten up until your senior year in the dreadful high school, although you two didn’t have the luck to be stuck in the same class and as deskmates every single year—thank god!—you two did have the privilege to be associated with the same friend group, with you being a good friend of Jisung and Seungmin being a good friend of Jeongin.

(Thus, his plan to distance himself from you starting freshman year was completely destroyed because of Han-very-friendly-Jisung.)

Spending an extended amount of time with each other was definitely inevitable for you two then, whether it was him waiting by your home’s door so you two could head to school together or you waving frantically at him by the classroom window when school ended. Oh, of course, never forget about all the holiday dinners your mothers love to invite each other to.

Seungmin’s jaw dropped a little but he made it seem like he was surprised by the content of the book instead. Oh god, he had been spending literally his entire life with you and it never even occurred to him until the moment you asked him about that stupid cliché trope question.

After that was established, let him think about it further—unpack the idea even more. What did you mean by cliché? Childhood friends happen, people have long-lasting friends. Your relationship was, supposedly, mediocre at best! Just two kids who grew up together and became as close as siblings!

“We are not cliché, we’re childhood best friends!”

Oh good god, Seungmin had blurted out his mind. He clenched the edge of the book tighter when you whipped around from his open closet, his jacket loosely draped over your shoulders and looming just before the knuckles of your delicate hands.

“You are wearing my jacket,” he gulped, his eyes narrowing at you gently upon realizing you had been going through his things without his permission, and that you had put on a piece of his clothing with blazingly delightful eyes that radiated harmful substances to stain his poor, dreadful heart.

“I am, you have my favorite kind of clothes, all… stretchy and big,” you nodded as you closed the doors of his wardrobe and spun around almost dramatically. He continued to look at you, not sure whether his gaze held more judgment or admiration, and you smiled at him, “Can I borrow this for tomorrow?”

Seungmin relaxed his tensed up mind and cleared his throat, his voice normal as he replied, “Don’t you get it dirty.”

“I won’t,” you said with a pursed grin, your giggles adorably sounding out through your tight lips.

It was after a moment when you finally climbed onto Seungmin’s bed and settled down next to him. You leaned your weight on his side, slouching unpleasantly with your legs propped up and swaying, your head smushed uncomfortably against Seungmin’s arm.

“Seungmin,” you called.

He ignored you, turning his page and continuing to read. You only gave him a few moments of peace, in the meantime finding your eyes trailing after the lines of words too until you got bored and called him once again.

“Seungmin. Kim Seungmin. Kim. Minnie,” you uttered a variation of his name, each of them spoken quietly yet annoyingly, causing him to finally close his book and drop it on his lap so he could direct his exasperation at you.

“What now?”

“We are childhood best friends, right? That was what you said a moment ago,” you looked up at him, unconsciously batting your lashes at him. Your intention was obviously more questioning than flirtatious.

“Yes, that is what I said,” he nodded, speaking gently as if comforting a brokenhearted individual.

“Do you want to know why we are cliché?”

“No, not particularly, but you are going to tell me anyway, aren’t you?”

You sat up then, still looking into Seungmin’s eyes as you turn your upper body towards him. Your hands pressed down on his lap, causing him to shiver a little in surprise. Your eyes felt like the deep dark woods, inaccessible but very enchanting—something you knew would cause you plenty of trouble but you just got to test out the waters, to play with the magic inside.

Seungmin was panicking. He has been since the moment he started to brainstorm your question, it was all well down the memory lane until he saw too much of you in his head that he realized he hardly ever neglected you in his mind. You were always lurking somewhere in his thoughts, tragically, and he had always voluntarily included you in most aspect of his life.

That would be normal, truthfully speaking; you two were best friends. But Seungmin felt like he was cooking up a slow recipe for love when he looked at you, standing casually in his room and wearing his clothes and slouching comfortably against his arm. Perhaps this could be a recipe for yet another doomed childhood love story too, by the sound of it.

“They say childhood best friends never go long together in life,” you whispered, “And I need you, Seungmin–”

It was quite possible for him to have stopped listening to you after that. It was just that single sentence on rewind in his eardrums: _And I need you, Seungmin. And I need you, Seungmin. And I need you, Seungmin._

“Hey!” You yelled at him when you realized he hadn’t been listening to a single word of your soulful confession of how he is the greatest friend you could ever ask for and that he is so important to you, like a brother you’ve never had—you know what, maybe it was a good idea that Seungmin snapped out when he did. 

His eyes slowly focused back on you and he tilted his head, finding you to still be very close to him in a way that made him afraid to breathe properly. Looking down at your raised pinky, he instinctively reached his own over and curled it gently around yours.

You smiled, his heart fluttered just the slightest.

“Promise me we aren’t the pair that stops being friends in the future.”

Seungmin’s lips quivered.

Oh. No promises to that.

* * *

Jeongin was munching on his plastic straw, occasionally sipping on the drink, as he listened to Seungmin rant about that day in his bedroom.

The younger’s eyes were wide with interest, half confusion to why his friend was getting so worked up over what appeared to be another normal conversation between the peculiar (Name) and the not-so-peculiar Seungmin, but he was mostly just very intrigued by the underlying problems of Seungmin’s supposedly cold, hard feelings.

“And they said,” Seungmin waved his hands, pitching his voice the right amount to imitate your own, “Oh, uh, let’s never stop being friends, promise–ugh.”

“Ugh?” Jeongin said, moving away from the drink and squinting his eyes funnily at Seungmin, in a way that was almost mocking, “Why the disgust? Do you not want to be their friend?”

“No! I do like being (Name)’s friend, it’s just that–”

“You want to be more than friends, is that what you are saying?” Jeongin suggested, “Like a sibling type of relationship, like Chan and me or like Woojin and (Name)–”

Seungmin forced down a tired breath. That didn’t sound quite right either. He tilted his head to the side, his lips quirking down into a frown, “No, not really like that either.”

Jeongin pursed his lips. What a generic Kim Seungmin move—denying his feelings until someone else has to tell it to him, flat and truthful, bold and not holding back. And even then, he might just ask Jeongin several questions to make sure the assumption was correct before he could finally admit that he might just have been shining a different light on your head. One that is more fond and romantic.

Jeongin scrunched up his nose in pure annoyance at the stupidity and time-consuming stubbornness lurking within Seungmin’s chest. He would normally just tell him how he felt about certain things, like the way he told him how he hated the baseball team’s recruitment poster but he was just denying it because it just seemed like the default thing to like whatever the members of the art club made.

But this time was different. You aren’t a recruitment poster stuck on the walls of the hallway and Seungmin isn’t just some baseball star in school. This was all a big jumbo of fluffy, lovely, occasionally frustrating emotions that came with realizing one is slowly and unsteadily falling in love with their long-term best friend.

And Jeongin acknowledged the fact that something like this should come from Seungmin himself, whether with a bit of a prompt or from scratch.

“Then what is it like, Seungmin? You’re not giving me a lot of information,” Jeongin said, looking at him pointedly as he leaned back down to sip on his drink. Something about the timing of his movement spoke calculative.

“I don’t understand what you mean,” Seungmin shook his head.

“What is the problem of (Name) telling you to be friends with them forever?”

“There isn't–” Seungmin clamped his mouth shut. He might be in denial but he wasn’t entirely ripped of common sense. Jeongin was a smart kid, he would have caught up on him being all worked up and not at all like the usual, slightly gloomy, slightly talkative him. Telling him he didn’t feel as if he has a problem with it would be a flat-out lie, a terrible lie.

Seungmin gulped and slumped his shoulders, “It’s weird. Why are they suddenly telling me that?”

“That is not it,” Jeongin retorted quickly before he pulled his teeth away from the straw and moved the cup away from his peripheral vision. His hands came together before his chest, intertwined with each other on the table, and he seemed to have leaned a little close to Seungmin. “Can I ask you something about (Name)?”

Seungmin rolled his eyes, unable to tell what Jeongin was really up to, but he nodded.

“What is (Name)’s name?”

“Are you joking?”

“Answers only.”

Seungmin sighed. He waved his hand dismissively, “(Full Name).”

“What class are they in?”

“Class 6A.”

“What is their locker number?”

“My birthday.”

Jeongin raised his eyebrows in momentary amazement but he continued with his rhythm to not break the hypnosis-esque trance he got the careless Seungmin under.

“Favorite piece of clothing?”

“My clothes, apparently.”

“First time they cried?”

“When they were born.”

“Fair enough,” Jeongin nodded, “First time you made them cry?”

“Kindergarten. I let go of their bike and they fell.”

“First time you made them laugh?”

“I don’t know. They’re always laughing at me.”

Jeongin hummed with a faint nod, briefly looking away from Seungmin, “Do you like (Name)?”

“Of course I do.”

“Do they like you?”

“Sure they do.”

“Are you in love?”

“Do you think I’m fucking stupid?”

Jeongin clicked his tongue, leaning back against the cafeteria chair as he eyed Seungmin impressively. Well, he tried it and it didn’t work. It was either he sucked at the game of rapidly-firing-questions or Seungmin was simply too guarded.

“No,” Jeongin said, “I just think you have undeclared feelings for your best friend.”

“Jesus, stop saying that word, it is giving me a headache,” Seungmin rolled his eyes.

“What word? Feelings? Bestfriend?”

Seungmin hissed under his breath, his fist reaching out threateningly as if ready to stomp itself on top of Jeongin’s head.

“You know, there are only two options for best friends,” Jeongin said with a laugh, “They either die as best friends or they die as strangers.”

Seungmin narrowed his eyes, “You left no option for lovers.”

“Would you want an option for lovers?”

Oh, Jeongin was crowned winner at the end.

Seungmin sat back down onto his seat, eyes blazing at the grinning boy in front of him as he finally chose to acknowledge the unfathomable hatred he has for the word ‘best friend’, and ultimately admitting defeat to how he felt about you.

“Yeah. I do, I think I do.”

“Well, there is no dying option for lovers because your relationship would be flourishing if you two do end up together in the end,” Jeongin grinned in triumph, “The only problem is whether it is likely that it will happen to you.”

“Well? How are my odds looking so far?” Seungmin asked, curious and overall a little tense.

Jeongin sipped his drink innocently then, blinking his bright eyes at Seungmin as he shrugged, returning back to the high school kid he was instead of maintaining himself as the relationship consultant he had been only a minute ago.

“You can never tell where you are, Seungmin,” he said, “If I am correct, (Name) probably won’t know too. I feel as if you two will click on a certain moment and you both recognize it together.”

“Recognize that we are compatible?”

“That you love them and they love you back,” Jeongin said, “And from then on, whatever happens… happens. You can only cross your fingers and hope for the best.”

Seungmin pouted upon the vague answer. Not being able to at least predict how the future goes was upsetting, certainly, but he supposed love was the kind of thing that blinds you until it happens. And whether it heals your vision or further damage your eyes would be completely up to his choice.

* * *

“What are you doing?”

Seungmin leaned against the doorframe of your room, his arms crossed before his chest and his head tilted towards the white patterned doorframe. He looked down at your figure, your arms outstretched and legs propped up with your loose socks hanging around the little bumps of your ankles. You were staring up at the ceiling, your eyes reflecting the bright light on the ceiling that it appeared painful for Seungmin to imagine the burning sensation.

“I am sad, Seungmin.”

He pushed himself off the door with a heavy sigh. He knew. He could sense it, aurally and visually. Your eyes were less curious and more thoughtful, prompting yourself to overthink every little occasion he supposed; your voice was softer than usual, lacking the grinning element in it, as minuscule as it was.

He wordlessly approached you, not asking for the reason behind your sudden depression of moods because he knew you would give him something vague as a half-assed attempt on explaining your overly complex emotions. He has come to learn how to deal with your mini sad phases from time to time after years and years of experiences—don’t question and don’t argue, just moral support.

It is your personal problem and he just happened to stumble upon it. Without being deliberately asked to, he should provide no solutions and he should know none of it.

“Are we staring at the lights this time?” Seungmin asked as he sat down next to you before pulling his back on the ground, adjusting his position when he was lying fully down on the carpet floor. His eyes squinted carefully as he looked up at the light for a brief moment before he shook his head inwardly and gave up.

“Yes,” you replied curtly, blinking up at the brightness.

“Then I apologize for not being able to join in, I really can’t stare at the light,” Seungmin said.

You nodded in acknowledgment, “That is fine. You can look somewhere else. Just remember to keep your head at the same place and your eyes on only one thing.”

Seungmin muttered a quick confirmation to your set of rules before he made the single worst mistake he has ever made in his life—turning over to look at the pinboard located on your shelf. It was what his instinct told him to move his eyes towards because you’ve made that with him during eighth grade, and this stupid, spontaneous idea you had decided to keep in your room.

The shelf was located next to your desk to the right side of the room. Oh, and what else was on the right side of Kim Seungmin at this very moment? You. With just the mere turn of his head, Seungmin was graced with the sight of your close-up side-profile before his eyes, you were so close he could trace the unfading marks on your cheek.

His mouth parted a fraction, he probably didn’t even realize he had let out a breath upon the mere sight of your gorgeous face. The beating of his heart raised as his nerves burned and burned yet still the heat of his haywire mind was no amount to the heat of his desire to bring you close to him for affectionate reasons. But despite that, he was also afraid of what could possibly happen to him if you _did_ turn your head to look at him.

“How–how are you looking at the lights, (Name), I really can’t do it,” Seungmin spoke to keep his mind off the torture. “It blinds my eyes.”

“I never said it isn’t blinding my eyes,” you said.

And with that, concern started bubbling up his throat, so quickly that it shoved itself past his lips and made another terrible mistake of telling you, “Hey, don’t do that. It isn’t good for your eyes.”

You hummed in agreement. Staring right into the light was for sure one of the most uncomfortable things you have ever done to yourself, but it felt as if your emotional state called for an action as destructive as that before Seungmin came in and changed it all with his gentle presence.

The storm in your brain cleared up when he came and laid down next to you voluntarily, now everything was just fuzzy drizzles of raindrops and reflective puddles you couldn’t look into because of the dark sky.

“Then I guess I have to look somewhere else,” you said to yourself, breathing out a sigh before you suddenly turned your head to Seungmin’s side. “I am gonna look at you, Min.”

You fixed the position of your head, your eyes squinting a little as your eyes tried to adjust to the lack of blinding light. There were traces of pigments floating in mid-air, staining the places around Seungmin’s face.

You giggled lazily, reaching up slightly to circle your index finger around his face, “I can see little worms around the air.”

Your eyes were droopy as if exhausted which he suspected you would be. Your unguarded emotions detected through each slow blinks of them, your slurs spilling past your mouth with endearing truths. It gave you an overall sense of rosy haze, Seungmin thought, your entirety was fragile and loveable and he really had never wanted to protect anyone more than you, he had never wanted to cherish anyone more than he did you at the moment.

His eyes impossibly softened at you, a permanent smile—a very small one, one that was kept for himself—plastered on his face before he, with the sudden lack of rowdy heart palpitations, grabbed a hold of your hand and placed it back on your side. His hand slid up your arm then, finding itself a resting place on your shoulder.

“Are you tired, (Name)?” He asked, ever so nurturingly, “Do you want to go to sleep? Let’s take a small nap, how does that sound?”

You tried to open your eyes but the drowsiness that trespassed your mind wanted otherwise. You wanted to look at Seungmin, to see how he looked at you as if he was ready to spoil you with the sun, the moon, and the stars above. It really was the most cared for you have ever felt from someone, and Seungmin—despite not seeming to have recognized it—often made you feel that way with just a pair of dully expressive eyes.

“You mean so much to me, Seungmin,” you uttered, touching his hand, "You are the only one who will lay on the ground with me like this. Anyway else would have dragged me up already.“

“What–what are you–why are you so sentimental all of a sudden? God, you are so–” he shut his mouth, unable to form words clearly, “You are sleepy, you should go to sleep.”

You sighed with a hum, contently gripping onto his hand like he was about to leave you alone to dwell in your sadness. You closed your eyes and turned to your side, burying your head into your arm, “Take a nap with me, Min.”

“Why?”

“Because I am inviting you to,” you said, “You don’t even have to move, we can just lay here and nap on the floor.”

Seungmin blinked at you. Your face was still hidden in your arm but your hand held his tightly, fingers loose and resting just in between you both. He gulped a little then, the urge to move his head so he could be within a proximity close enough to feel your mellow breathes.

The urge of intimacy, one that he has never thought of thoroughly before, was killing him at the moment, and despite Seungmin’s prideful heart, he knew.

But it wasn’t something he could do at this stage of your relationship, so he opted for a close second.

* * *

Jisung was seated casually—with his forearms propping him up and his legs outstretched in front of him—next to you in the grass field. His hair daintily covered the top of his eyes, the top of his head burning from the sensation of the sun above as your class waited for your teacher to arrive at the track field.

You back faced the sun and it cast a shadow before your sitting figure. Despite not directly looking at the bright orb, your eyes were still squinted in discomfort. Perhaps it was the heat, making you all sweaty and sticky that you couldn’t help but feel bad about almost everything.

Jisung noticed the way you unconsciously pulled your legs up to your chest and of course, your unusual lack of comments on even the smallest things. When it came to being talkative, your element rivaled that of his, and Jisung was pretty glad to have found someone who appreciated his tendency to ramble (and has the same amount of tendency to ramble) so much.

To be able to hear the breezy sound of the wind and the chattering voices of other classmates when he was within your presence was concerning, to say the least. Therefore, with a small pout, he turned to you and asked, “Something bothering you, (Name)?”

You looked over at him slowly, your eyes unfocused as your mind repeatedly recalled the nap you took with _Seungmin_ just yesterday, the one that started with a safe distance and a holding of hands, and ended with limbs tangled together and your nose directly inhaling his fruity skin.

And above it all, Seungmin had no plan to move away at that moment when your eyes groggily opened to find him looking straight back at you, eyelids heavy as if he too had just woken up. Your heart had jumped, leaped, tumbled and turned. It moved in all directions but they all headed towards one end—Kim Seungmin.

“Seungmin…” His name came out timid and yearning as you blinked up at Jisung, who raised his brows and pursed his lips, waiting for you to add more. You gulped at his silence, your lips arching down in confusion.

“Seungmin…” you repeated, “I think I might like him.”

It took Jisung a moment to register your words. Romance? Did that just come out of your mouth? You had been such an oblivious person—not in a bad way—he never thought you had it in you to feel romantic love for another person! However, come to think of it, Seungmin has been your best friend for too long for something to not happen. This should not be _that_ surprising to him.

“Wait, what happened exactly?” Jisung asked, scooting closer to you until the side of your knees hit.

You shrugged, “I–I don’t know? What do you even mean?”

Jisung sucked in a short breath, realizing his questions came off too broad for you to even begin to think about. Waving his hand in the air for dramatic purposes, his brain started to twist and twirl with words that could convey his thoughts, “I mean like… why do you suddenly think you think him, (Name)? What is your _ding_ moment?”

“My… ding moment?”

“Oh, you know! Like when… like in romantic shows, when the protagonist realizes that they are in love?” He explained, opening and closing his hands to create a fake sparkling effect, “The ding!”

You hummed in thought after his rather vague but easily understandable explanation, but it seemed to be taking a toll on you to have to conclude your entire childhood with Seungmin. You didn’t like him before, certainly, at least not back in kindergarten or middle school. It was just recently, you believed, when you started to see him with a brand new vision, overthinking every little thing he does and every single word he said.

Sometimes they are for you, sometimes it is none of your business. But you cared nonetheless because it is Seungmin.

“I… don’t know, he’s always been there with me. He just… I guess I can’t see things being otherwise?” You shook your head a little as you spoke. And you turned to look at Jisung again, catching him staring at you intently.

Removing yourself from your spot, leaning back ever so slightly to keep away from his face, you couldn’t help but laugh at his overwhelming gaze, “Jisung, why are you looking at me like that?”

He kept silent for the sake of teasing you a little bit more but he supposed it wasn’t really working because you didn’t react as flustered as he thought you would. Widening his eyes at you, he smirked, “What? Are you feeling butterflies in your stomach?”

“No,” you shook your head honestly.

Jisung felt a little stab to his ego but surely, he could get over this. You did just tell him you were (possibly)in love with Seungmin so he shouldn’t have the ability to control your heart palpitations as expertly as Seungmin could have.

He clicked his tongue to feign annoyance, rolling his eyes a little too before he took off the jacket he had wrapped around his waist and soothed it out. Bringing it over his head, he sighed in relief at the shade his school jacket has provided him. God, the sun was blazing hot and he felt as if his scalp was on fire.

“Come over here,” he urged, his arms holding up his jacket to create more space. “I don’t want you to burn your hairline.”

“Your hairline is dying faster than mine is, Jisung,” you retorted as you ducked your head under his jacket, his arm going over the back of your frame and securely covering both of you up from the sun.

Jisung looked over to you, finding your eyes once again focused on the fake grass. He hummed a little, leaning close to your ear so he could add a maximum amount of tease in what he was about to do. Playfully leaning very close to your side, almost until his chest hit your shoulder, he moved his mouth over to your ear and whispered, “Still nothing?”

You heaved a sigh, turning your head to face him. Jisung moved away quick enough for the tip of your nose to only barely graze against his, and he felt a blush flowering up his cheeks at the backfiring of his little plan. Unable to sense that he was more vulnerable and flustered than you were, you shook your head steadily.

“Nothing, Jisung. At least… not as much as how Seungmin makes me feel,” you shrugged.

Jisung was quick to snap back to reality once he realized that this was more serious than he thought. This wasn’t just a simple crush anymore was it? All the times Seungmin has been there for you and all the times he has gotten close to you without the knowledge of doing so—all the secrets, the laughter, and the promises were coming back to you in a more sensible way, and you were seeing everything again so your brain could tell your heart that Seungmin is the boy who loves you and the boy you are going to love.

He cleared his throat. He didn’t even know he was excited for this until it happened right before his eyes.

“Alright,” Jisung said, “Where should we begin with pursuing your childhood best friend?”

* * *

Jeongin had his hands stuffed in his pants pockets in hopes that the little stuff holders would hold his two curled fists long enough to not give himself the ability to haul them at Seungmin’s face.

“Aren’t you supposed to be going home with (Name)?” Jeongin asked, throwing his head back slightly to showcase his boredom of whatever Seungmin has been rambling about. He was trying very hard to listen but seriously, he was not very fond of hearing your name coming out of Seungmin’s mouth every five seconds since they started walking together.

Seungmin grumbled audibly, tilting his head to the side with his eyes closed, “Tsk. They are probably somewhere chatting with Jisung or whatever.”

Jeongin sighed in frustration. He’s heard it, what Seungmin saw you and Jisung did in the track field today. It wasn’t anything to him, really. Jisung is the type of person to be all touchy and playful all the time so there should not be any exceptions when it came to you.

But despite the many times Jeongin tried to convince Seungmin that the little act of childish antics you and Jisung did in the field today was absolutely nothing, Seungmin was still set on his love life being a complete failure before it even began.

“I don’t know how to help you aside from keeping on telling you there is nothing but friendship going on between those two,” Jeongin mumbled, then he got a tad bit aggressive as he tried to prove a point, “Look, I could have done that. Even I would do that. I would share my jacket with (Name), or with you. Woojin-hyung would have done it too because he probably doesn’t want to sun to burn (Name)’s hair dry!”

“Jisung could have just given them the jacket–”

“Have you touched his hair?”

“Yes, very luxuriant. I envy him sometimes.”

Jeongin stopped in his tracks, half-glaring and half-staring at Seungmin funnily. It took him a carefully timed moment before he nodded with a grim, defeated voice, “Yeah, me too.”

“So you agree? You think (Name) is going to dump me for Jisung’s stupid fluffy hair?” Seungmin said.

“I literally never said that,” Jeongin deadpanned, “Not once did I say that.”

The frown on Seungmin remained insistently as he and Jeongin walked along the hallway. Upon the sudden silence, he took the chance to think over what Jeongin had been trying to tell him, something that his overloaded heart had overlooked during his time of rant.

Just friends. Right. But so were you and Seungmin! And in comparison to Jisung and you, his friendly points most likely exceed far more than Jisung. What Seungmin couldn’t wrap his head around was whether having more 'best friend point’ is a bad or a good thing? He hadn’t been consulting the encyclopedia of all things 'best friends to lovers’ a while after you brought up the cliché element between you two’s relationship.

“You are thinking too far into this,” Jeongin said, snapping him out of his thoughts.

“I am.”

“You know?”

“I do,” Seungmin nodded. Of course he acknowledged it. Even if he couldn’t, Jeongin’s clenched jaw made it pretty obvious how irritating he must have been rambling about the same problem over and over again. But he could not bring himself to stop, he could not bring himself to stop thinking about you.

Jeongin sighed a little, removing his eyes from Seungmin and just barely glancing past the front to find you walking over to them with Jisung talking animatedly by your side. He hummed, his tone curious and his gaze analytical, as he tapped Seungmin’s shoulder.

“Your best friend is here,” he announced to Seungmin quietly.

When he looked up to find you just in time to wave goodbye at Jisung after he gave you a bunch of advice you probably won’t be able to execute perfectly, Seungmin felt a tight knot in his chest at the smiles you two shared with each other, like there was some kind of unspoken secret between you two that he knew nothing about.

Your eyes brightened when you saw Seungmin and you quickened your steps to approach him. Giving Jeongin a small nod, in which he returned with a nice smile, you looked back at Seungmin to stare right into his eyes the way you usually would.

Jeongin wasn’t sure what you were attempting to do. All he knew was that if you continue with that for another moment longer, Seungmin’s neck would burn with suppressed embarrassment. Therefore, with a quick sway of his hand, he placed his palm in between the space of your eyes and slightly stepped in for interference.

“Hey! What is up, (Name)?” He asked, “Are you doing fine lately? I sure hope you are.”

You furrowed your brows at him but replied nonetheless, “I am fine, thanks. I just wanted to ask Seungmin something.”

Seungmin flashed Jeongin a weird glare before he looked at you, tilting his head to the side, “What is it?”

You smiled sheepishly, eyes bright and filled with delightful anticipation, “Do you want to go to the new café together? Jisung was talking about it today in the field, he said the drinks there are really nice.”

A retort was growing on the tip of his tongue when Jisung’s name was, frustratingly, mentioned, but he took a look at your grinning demeanor and his heart couldn’t take it. It immediately discarded and belittled every single trouble it contained and put its focus on the mere sight of you.

“Sure, why not,” he shrugged out a nonchalant reply.

You beamed at him following his reply, clapping your hands together, “Okay! If we want to make it there without waiting for half an hour, we should get going now! I heard it is really popular among students and if Jisung counts it right, there are at least three high schools circling the area.”

“He sure knows a lot about one simple café,” he muttered, rolling his eyes faintly as he began to walk.

“Well, he did introduce it to me,” you said, moving to walk alongside him.

Jeongin, who had, unfortunately (or fortunately? He couldn’t tell, but he was plenty happy that he could be away from all the relationship problems for a while), been neglected, watched after you both making your way to the school gate. He breathed out a heavy sigh.

“Oh wow,” he nodded in realization after a short moment, “this is… this is so fucking cliché.”

Item acquired: the third person, or as we all call the other friend, who sees it all.

* * *

Seungmin’s school bag was hastily thrown over his shoulder when you and he left the café after receiving a semi-worried text from your mothers, a result of the both of you forgetting to tell your parents that you two would be a little late because of the spontaneous café date.

A date? That was a date right? That felt like a date to Seungmin but it could all just be the mid-life crisis and delusions in his head telling him it was more than just a friendly gathering. He was twisting his brain to think about this as you two walked down the street of your home’s messy residential area, recalling everything you two have done with each other in the past and comparing it to this café date.

You two have been to the park before. Nothing much happened there, it was just you two sitting on the bench and talking as the strong winter breeze blew. He still remembered when you pressed your hot chocolate up to his cheek and grinned cheekily at him when he flashed you a shocked look. He hadn’t felt much about that before but it was what kept him up at night now—that simple gesture, that simple smile.

Also the study session in the public library where you fell asleep on your textbook next to him, and now he could only curse himself for not taking a better look at your unguarded purity.

Or perhaps during the annual Christmas dinner your families have with each other, sometimes at your home, sometimes at his. You two would always sneak to the empty apartment and stay in each others’ room when the night finally descended upon the Earth and the adults started spilling secrets of other people’s lives, and you two would just talk, or sing, or dance, or read, or sleep.

Seungmin knew he treasured those moments immensely as he was genuinely the happiest during those little rendezvous, if you could even call it that.

The truth was it doesn’t matter whether this was considered a date or not. Seungmin simply knew that he had fun, and he found joy in watching you eat that piece of strawberry cake, to hear you squeal as you took a sip of the special drink. He just knew that his tension softened every time his gaze drops upon your figure, and he knew his heart burst with so much love that his younger-self would deem as weird and “ugh!”

“Min,” you called.

“Right here,” he replied.

You giggled faintly, the question fading away from your mind quickly at his unexpected yet so very comforting response. There was simply something about those two words—they are something of a promise, you supposed, a promise he made to you once and was just reminding you of it unconsciously.

That he will always be your friend, he will always be right here.

Well. Friend.

Shaking your head a little, you shrugged, “Nothing.”

And you too wanted to tell him that you are here. With him.

* * *

A knock came at Seungmin’s bedroom door during the middle of the night. It wasn’t so late that his parents wouldn’t be needing him for anything unnecessary, but he had told them that he would be studying so having them disturb his train of thoughts would be very unlikely. He unplugged one earphone, the music low enough for him to hear the continuous knocks at his door.

Oh, right. His parents also don’t have a habit of knocking way too many times. The person standing outside has got to be either an amateur robber or you. Seungmin would hope that it is you, of course, but if it _is_ a robber, he’s got the perfect sob story to wear the intruder out. The story starting with the line: “So I have a best friend, I started liking them.”

He opened the door, keeping his expression as neutral as he could. You came to his room wearing only a comfortable oversized shirt and a pair of comfortable sweats. Seungmin has seen your pajama look for possibly more than a hundred times now but this night was the first in many where he would spend his precious sleep time thinking about it.

“Hello, Min,” you greeted sheepishly, hunching up your shoulders as you smiled up at him.

“Goodnight,” he said.

“Are you turning me away? I haven’t even asked you for anything yet.”

“Oh, so you have something to ask?”

“And something to return!” You said, removing your arm from behind your back to show him the jacket you borrowed from him. “I didn’t stain it, don’t worry. I even washed it for you.”

Seungmin glanced down at his beige-colored jacket, his eyebrows raised for a brief moment before he received it and turned around, muttering a small thanks as he left the door open for you to enter. He discreetly brought it up to his face, inhaling the scent and finding himself pursing his lips tightly in gentle nervousness.

It is just the vanilla detergent your family used, he reminded himself. There are definitely millions of other clothes out there that smells like this. Vanilla wasn’t your unique scent, he kept reminding himself, completely ignoring that fact that it wasn’t the vanilla scent he was really attached to but the association of you that he felt particularly fond of.

Vanilla is a good but plain and over-used scent. You happened to smell of vanilla and it became refreshing and warm and exciting and everything good Seungmin could ever think of.

He draped it over the back of his chair and turned around to find you standing awkwardly in the middle of his room, fidgeting almost nervously. He flashed you a questioning look, “What?”

The unexpected question caught you off-guard, especially when you were trying to recall what Jisung told you to say over the recent text he had excitedly and furiously flashed you after you told him about the café date you two had.

“I–uh, I was wondering if you’ve done your Math homework yet?” You asked, snapping your fingers smartly while your self-esteem slowly deteriorated the more you realize this was probably the exact opposite of what Jisung told you to do.

Seungmin hummed out an even more confused noise, “Math? (Name), we’re not even in the same class. Our progress is different.”

You fumed in embarrassment. How did you—you’ve got it, (Name), go for it. Positive reinforcement! Positive reinforcement! Get the boy, charm him!

“Oh right, I forgot!” You said quickly, laughing to cover up the anxious lump in your throat, “Ah, well I guess there is nothing for me to ask here since you can’t help me–wait, okay, I am not saying it’s your fault though, okay? Like, I just don’t remember we have different teachers but I kind of thought maybe your class covered chapter seven already–”

“We haven’t,” Seungmin cut in curtly.

You clamped your mouth shut. See, you thought you would be a sobbing, blushing mess by now but it seemed that you have maxed out the moment you asked him about your Math homework so now you were just standing here with defeated sighs rapidly escaping your lungs until the tightness of your chest lessened.

Seungmin was still looking at you with confusion hidden in every part of his face, somewhat displaying an annoyed expression with the tilting of his head, like you were disturbing him from doing something important (you indeed were disturbing him from doing something important).

You looked at him hopelessly for a moment before you let your shoulders slump and you removed your gaze away from him. With a faint exhausted laugh, you shook your head and slapped your hand to his shoulder, “Nevermind. I will just text Jisung about the homework.”

Seungmin’s heart leaped at the name. Why is that godforsaken name leaving your pretty lips again? Why is Han stupid Jisung posing as such a giant threat to him anyway? That is Han Jisung! Attractive, very luxuriant, funny, smart, kind, soft, gentle, caring—woah there, Seungmin, are you in love with him?

Seungmin isn’t in love with Jisung, he is in love with you. Let that be clarified. It was just that it is so much easier for him to find the good in other people and the bad in himself when he realized his heart was in the vulnerable position of being in love. And until you officially open your mouth and declare the reciprocated feelings, he would probably continue to belittle himself.

“Jisung… do you have feelings for him or something?” He asked slowly, after clearing his throat but not his head.

You looked up at him, surprised, “W–what?”

That was the kind of response Seungmin dreaded, your nervousness and your seemingly panicked reply. He licked his lower lip, shaking his head, “Nothing. I was joking.”

“No, it’s okay! I just–I’m not, I don’t have any feelings for him,” you denied then, “He is a great friend but that’s it. Why did you ask? Was I sending false signals?”

Seungmin looked away to breathe out a puff of air, not sure if he was fully convinced by your statement but he was planning on taking all the chances he could to make himself believe that he still has a chance with you.

“No, you aren’t,” he said, “Anyway, about the Math homework? I think I can help.”

You let out a small noise of surprise, “Huh? It’s okay, you don’t have to! You haven’t even covered that chapter yet, I can just ask Jisung–”

“I said I can help, okay?” It took Seungmin a small moment to realize his snapping was more than unnecessary, but it wasn’t like he could control his overwhelming emotion at the moment. It felt like you were moving away from him and there was nothing he could do about it, the never-ending cycle of continuously decreasing self-esteem more obvious with each mention of Han Jisung’s name.

Collecting himself quickly, he exhaled quietly through his nose, clenched and unclenched his fists. “I can help you. Just…” _Please don’t go for Jisung._ He gave you a little shrug, “Don’t worry about it, okay? I got it. I need to study ahead anyway.”

You noticed the diminishing of his usual calm demeanor, for sure. Seungmin wasn’t quite the unreadable person, you would always know if something was up with him. You just wouldn’t know exactly what was causing him such discomfort. Tilting your head to the side, the concern that flickered across your eyes like crystalline sent a shiver down Seungmin’s spine.

“Min…” you took a step forward, “Are you okay? You feel off.”

Seungmin’s mind was sparking haywire, sparking nonsense. His throat was dry, his eyes unwavering after they settled on you. He was unable to speak, unable to think, and unable to react under the overwhelming feeling he could express under your presence. Those were all the things he could easily acknowledge yet has no power to control whatsoever.

“I…” Seungmin’s voice trailed off pathetically, and you seemed to have taken that as a form of frustration.

Putting a hand on his shoulder, you searched for his eyes after taking a step forward, having completely disregarded the plan to woo him. Your completely innocent intention only paralyzed him even more into submission, bringing him further into your lovingness.

“Min,” you called out, rubbing his shoulder, taking his silence as a sign of negativity. Proceeding with circling your arms around his neck, you pulled him into a much-needed hug. “I’m sorry.”

There was absolutely nothing you have to be sorry for. The only thing you have to be sorry for was how much of a lovestruck puppy he has become and how head-over-heels he was for your entire being. The only thing you have to apologize for was being so endearing and so loving and so beautiful in his eyes that he couldn’t help but drop down on his knees in front of you.

And he couldn’t speak, he couldn’t think, he couldn’t breathe. It was all so pathetic but so, so, so worth it.

Seungmin took a moment to enclose his arms around your torso, taking the chance to bury his face to the nape of your neck and very discreetly inhaling the vanilla aroma of your being and finding himself not wanting to let go.

“It’s gonna be okay,” you said, your thumb rubbing the back of his neck and just barely touching the loose strands of hair at the nape, “You can tell me about it when you want to. But for now, let’s distract you from whatever it is!”

Oh, you already were.

“You just want me to help you with Math,” he retorted, finding his senses coming back to him.

You pulled away then, eyes squinting slightly with a sheepish smile on your face, “Are you sure you are going to help me? I don’t want to bother you with that.”

He shrugged, “Yeah, sure.”

“That doesn’t sound very enthusiastic.”

“Yeah! Sure!”

You giggled at the sarcasm dripping from his voice, a sound so melodious that it brought joy coursing through the unconscious curve of his lips. It was like liquid gold, seeping down his throat and clinging onto his heart. It was the kind of treasure, your voice, that Seungmin wished to treasure only for himself but he doubted his ability to sustain the impact it does to his fragile heart.

Seeing the smile that had graciously lit upon his face, you grinned, “It’s going to be fine.”

Oh, he sure hopes it will be.

* * *

Jisung was listening intently to what you were telling him, his teeth nuzzling against the plastic cap of his water bottle and one brow arched in concentration. The gear in his brain was turning loudly and heavily but his bright eyes never ceased to glow a hint of interest, telling you he is listening to everything you have to say about what happened to you and Seungmin the other night.

The way he was furiously chewing on the bottle cap told you he was holding in a lot of comments and that he was patiently waiting for you to finish telling him every single detail about the night—what Seungmin said, what Seungmin did, what you did and what his reaction was. Everything, every words to their very bones.

And your assumption was right. Jisung did have a lot to say about what you were animatedly telling him.

He wanted to scold you, lightly, about your choice of words and how you absolutely did not follow his plans even after he had carefully and deliberately spent his blood, sweat, and tears writing it up for you. He wanted to praise you, a little, for you seemed to know that skin contact could get Seungmin quite riled up the way he never would with anybody else.

But what he really wanted to talk about was Seungmin’s irrational annoyance in regards to his own name.

“What did he say? About me?” He asked when your voice trailed off.

You blinked at him, “Huh? Um… he asked me if I have feelings for you.”

Jisung squinted his eyes. This really would be the perfect opportunity to mess around with you again even though he knew what kind of reaction you would end up giving him, but holy shit, this was getting more interesting than he thought it was. Seungmin’s annoyance did not come from nowhere, absolutely no way.

“When did he agree to help you? Like what did you say before he said he will help you with your homework?” He asked.

“Oh, I said I was gonna find you for help,” you replied, “It is so weird. His class hasn’t even covered that chapter yet.”

Jisung stared at you in silence, his heart shaken up with romance whenever he thought of the enormous possibility of his assumption being a fact. Going out of his way to help you? Hating the fact that another boy’s name keeps leaving your lips? Being weirdly tense and shaken up for reasons he didn’t talk about?

The best part was that it was so obvious yet you, of all people, couldn’t see it.

“Cool, cool, cool,” Jisung spoke to himself, clenching the plastic bottle in his hands before he suddenly let go of it and physically perked up at you. “(Name), I have a new tactic I want you to try. I want you to tell me how he reacts after that, okay?”

You tilted your head to the side with a small hum of agreement as you watched Jisung move the water bottle away and repositioned himself on the bench as if preparing himself for something grand.

“I want you to cup his face, for whatever reason you can think of, and lean super close to his face,” he said.

“What?” You immediately let out a weird noise, “Like how close?”

“Like… maybe a thin line between your noses? Something like… okay,” Jisung clamped his mouth shut and stood up, leaning over the table to reach his hands out to your face, where they rested on your jaw loosely. He leaned close to you, stopping before your face and making you lean back a little with a burst of choked laughter.

He pulled an annoyed expression at you when a few of your spit from your sudden laughter hit his face, but he continued nonetheless. “At this point, if you can go further then feel free, honestly,” he suggested.

You zoned out then, imagining the scene unfold before your eyes. Oh no, too close, definitely too close! The proximity was starting to become a problem the more you gained attachment to Seungmin. Just plainly thinking about the action, you could vividly feel the tension, the palpitations, the impossible swirling of your eyes as you forced yourself to keep it all together.

“(Name), are you still here? Have I lost you?” Jisung asked, seeing that your eyes have blanked out of reality as they were once focused on him.

“What–no, I am still here,” you replied with a stutter, shaking your head with a faint smirk, “Just… it’s…”

“Seungmin?” He nodded understandingly yet he didn’t miss the chance to laugh at your enamored form whenever it came to Kim Seungmin, so serious to a point he didn’t even need to physically be within your vicinity. It was something he couldn’t imagine ever feeling considering he has never had so much as a crush.

Squeezing your cheeks tightly, he regained your attention before he spoke, “I have my own theory. Just do this to him, watch his reaction and make up some lame excuse like… look, you got an eyelash on your eye!”

“Do I?”

“Yeah, you do. It was bothering me the whole time, hold on,” he chuckled, grazing his index finger against the bottom of your eye harshly to get the piece of eyelash off your skin, protesting when you grabbed onto his hand in irritation. “It is sticking to your skin!”

You swatted his hand away, pouting as you rubbed your undereye while Jisung moved away to sit back down on the bench. You flashed him a glare, half annoyed but half appreciative that he was taking his time out to listen to you rant about your relationship problems and being supportive of your (failed) attempts on wooing your best friend.

“He is going to move away,” you said, “Seungmin only occasionally likes skinship like those. Pulling up so close to his face is going to earn me a weird look.”

Jisung propped his head on the back of his palm, his cheek pressed up against the skin as he stared at you questioningly, “Didn’t you hug him yesterday.”

“I said occasionally and yesterday was one of those rare occasions." You shrugged.

He hummed, his tone with an underlying disagreement. He would like to think he had it all figured out, Seungmin wasn’t much of a complicated person. Surely, his calm persona gave him the advantage of hiding his real emotions, but he wasn’t hard to understand. And Jisung’s hunch was telling him that your feelings were reciprocated

But he decided it would be best to let you figure it out yourself or to let Seungmin be the one to tell you the truth.

* * *

To say Seungmin was devastated would be correct. But aside from being just strikingly disheartened, he was also confused beyond his imagination to why he would allow himself such discomfort in regards to something so stupid and so avoidable.

The sight of you and Jisung sitting together in the cafeteria recalled for the millionth time. Your face, his hands, your smile, his smile—fuck, he didn’t know why he kept thinking about it. He was almost sure that he was hurting himself on purpose at this point, forcing himself to scream into the abyss of his bleeding heart until he gets tired of the ache.

Jeongin looked at his friend carefully, having just acquired the new information. The school lobby was buzzing with noise, footsteps scurrying around as friends found each other to leave the school, yet the atmosphere was so static and quiet and awkward for him to handle.

Had he realized Seungmin would act like this after an unofficial rejection? No, definitely not. He really thought Seungmin would be smarter than this, saner than this, more rational than thinking he has lost it all before anything even began in the first place.

But Seungmin’s dead stare, not even so much as sulking, just a simple emotionless stare with all the heavy quakes hidden in his chest, proved him otherwise.

“I think you are reading into this wrongly,” Jeongin said, tightening his grip on the strap of his school bag, “They are friends.”

Seungmin widened his eyes at Jeongin in disbelief, a trace of anger extremely evident and immediately shutting Jeongin up for only a moment.

He sighed, defeated yet defensive, “Do not look at me like I am the one at fault here. I don’t control your feelings, you do. I am just saying you are jumping to conclusions.”

Seungmin pursed his lips together, holding in a long breath. “I am not mad at you, I am mad at myself,” he exhaled then, “This is so stupid, I have never felt so insecure in my entire life.”

Seungmin was never over-the-top confident in himself but he didn’t use to have such low self-esteem either until the blossoming of love planted in his lungs. The vines of your fingers wrapped harshly around his heart the more you two spend time with each other, from early morning to late night, until his heart was left in a vulnerable position where only you have control over.

He started comparing himself to people you often talk to, to people you have regular contact with. His hands aren’t as big and delicate as Jeongin, his shoulders aren't as broad and manly as Chan, his voice isn’t as deep and reliable as Woojin, he doesn’t look as good as Jisung, he doesn’t sing or dance or rap like Jisung, he is not as artistic as Jisung—this whole self-esteem and comparison issue was a trainwreck he could not get himself out of.

After that, it was just hopelessness. Seungmin was intimidated by everyone he believed was better than him, better for you. He was so threatened by the idea of you putting your heart in someone else’s hands.

“You can’t stop (Name) from speaking to people they want to, Seungmin,” Jeongin said, putting a hand on his shoulder comfortingly, “But you can’t keep getting so hung up on the people they talk to either.”

Seungmin knew that. The truth that you would have to talk to other people and he would always find something better about them that he could not live up to. The root cause of that, he also knew, was because he loves you. He really loves you and he is afraid of losing you to somebody else.

Calming down slightly, Seungmin nodded at himself. Jeongin pouted curiously, watching as his friend shook his head and refreshed himself.

“I know what to do,” Seungmin said.

“You do?” Jeongin’s voice was skeptical.

“Yes,” he replied solemnly.

Jeongin, still being suspicious, wondered what Seungmin had going on in his mind. It could not be something well within the proximity of being rational, he supposed, much to his dismay. Opening his mouth to ask, his question was delayed when he saw you skipping over from Seungmin’s side.

He clamped his mouth shut when you approached, sending you a faint nod before carefully examining the scene unfold before him.

“Seungmin, let’s go home,” you said casually, as you should since you two have been heading home together for as long as you could remember.

You looked at him, a natural smile on your face. Seungmin refused to look into your eyes initially, knowing there was a ninety-eight percent chance he would admit defeat as soon as he did so, but you appeared insistent, stepping before his sight again and again as you waited for his reply.

“Seungmin?”

“I can’t.”

Jeongin’s brows raised at the icy tone of Seungmin’s voice, his gaze diverted towards you quickly to see your reaction. He found a gentle lump in his throat upon seeing your wronged expression, being completely taken back by Seungmin’s change of attitude.

“Okay, you don’t have to be so mean about it,” you said, your brows furrowed as your previously saddened expression went away.

Misunderstanding this to be one of his moody phases regarding whatever has been bugging him, the incident that he did not talk to you about, you decided it would be best to let the matter go.

Seungmin didn’t speak for a moment. He finally mustered up the courage to look at you then, feeling the creases on his weary heart deepening into scars the more apologetic he felt about having decided to treat you like this. 

His heart softened at the sight of you but his mind strengthened itself by flashing multiple threatening images of you and Jisung, and he couldn’t get over it quick enough to let the softness he felt for you overpower his fears.

“See you tomorrow then,” he nodded before walking away, leaving Jeongin to end the conversation with an awkward smirk.

When he finally caught up to Seungmin, he finally let his thoughts out, “That is your plan? Being a dick is your plan? They aren’t going to like you better–”

“That isn’t my plan,” Seungmin retorted, “I think I am the problem, Jeongin. So I am not trying to make them like me anymore, I am… I am trying to make myself unlove them.”

Such an impossible thing to say, Seungmin. You are making yourself a promise that will end up killing you.

* * *

You weren’t too sure what you planned to achieve from this, perhaps just a hint of solace after the cold, almost ignorant way Seungmin had spoken to you during the end of school today, but you were standing before his bedroom with his favorite snack in one hand and his favorite drink in the other, both of those you had decided to buy on your lonely way home.

Standing behind the door was Seungmin, much frustrated and hesitant when it came to opening the door. His hand wrapped tightly around the knob, his breathing jagged at the thought of having to talk to you like he’s never known you before. Reminding himself that he was only doing this for his own good, that once he stopped having feelings for you he would only look back at this with a snicker, he opened the door and looked through the gap at you.

Your smile widened welcomingly at him, your shoulders hunched up excitedly when you saw his face. Pushing yourself into his room, as you usually did whenever you came over to his room, you sucked in a deep breath and turned around to find him staring at you from the doorway.

“Look what I got you!” You said, shaking the food in your hands.

Seungmin let his hand slowly leave the knob but he didn’t close the door. His heart melted for only a fraction of a second, once again because of you, always because of you. Then his mind reminded him of what he was most afraid of: being in love with you, accompanied by his unfortunately low self-esteem and his irrational tendency to jump to conclusions.

Staring at you with a somewhat blank expression, a wall rapidly built up within his solid head and he was able to allow himself only a simple nod in response. Taking tiny steps towards the corner of his table where he could keep a safe distance away from you, the precaution was taken from each step he took, watching you carefully just in case you unpredictable nature decided it would be a good idea to jump in front of him and pierce his soul with your still-crystalline eyes.

They are filled with the root causes of the emotions he wants to but cannot handle. They are the start of his defeat and the end of his suffering. So heart-wrenching, so knees-bucking, so life-threatening.

Seungmin could not have that.

“Snacks and drinks,” he nodded at you.

Upon his dull response, your shoulders slumped in disappointment. As much as you wanted to whine at him for appearing so unkind and unfamiliar, you chose to take into account that he was having a tough day (or a tough week, as you knew from the encounter the other night) and decided to simply let the matter slide.

“Still not the time, huh?” You said, not expecting to gain an answer as you flashed him an apologetic look, where your brows furrowed with concern and your lips curled into a sad smile. “That’s alright, I guess I will just drop these here and go back.”

Seungmin’s eyes widened when you approached the desk. His feet tip-toed himself away from his original position, moving him away from the corner of the desk to his bookshelf which was just right next to where his desk was. It wasn’t too much of a distance, he could still see you more clearly than ever, but it was certainly better than having the scent of your body waft right before his nose.

You gingerly put down everything down on his desk, the fact that he was actively moving away from you going unnoticed, thankfully. Your eyes scanned across the opened textbook on his desk, the lined-paper sitting under the hardcover filled with neat writings and formulas.

Looking up at him, you pointed at the paper and giggled lightly, “You guys are on chapter seven now, that’s nice.”

“It’s not,” he replied, shrugging.

You puffed out your cheeks. Once again having your attempt on a better conversation shot down, you found yourself being less frustrated and instead more defeated. All you knew of was that Seungmin was in a bad mood and that he was having a tough time, but about what you didn’t know. He never tried to bring it up with you either, which you found really heartbreaking because you really supposed Seungmin would tell you anything.

He used to, at least.

“Seungmin… you know you can tell me anything, right?” You asked then, glancing from his desk and up to him.

Seungmin caught a giant lump in his throat, a choked sob that refused to let loose, at the sight of your hopeless eyes. Your intention was plain and clear—you wanted to help him, you wanted him to feel familiar again, and it broke his heart to know he has to refrain from letting any of that happen until you could no longer control his feelings.

“Yeah, I know,” he nodded, his eyes downcasted so he didn’t have to look at you.

“You probably already told Jeongin everything, but I can be an extra pair of hands,” you suggested, “I might not be able to help you fully but… I can at least be some form of emotional support?”

Seungmin pursed his lips, exhausted, “Okay.”

You blinked in disbelief. For a moment there was anger, and then another second there was guilt because you felt inconsiderate and selfish to be angry at him when he seemed to be at his lowest point, all for him not giving you a full sentence, energetic answer.

“Okay,” nodding a little, you sucked in your gloomy mood and forced a smile at him, “Um… I guess I will just go then.”

“Yeah, you should.”

You paused by the door, looking back at Seungmin briefly, “Goodnight. Don’t overwork yourself. Chapter seven won’t be too hard for you, I understood it when you taught me.”

Seungmin continued his dull nods, waiting for you to fully close his bedroom. When the clicking of the knob was sounded, he let out a breath he forced himself to hold, a strangled noise coming from the back of his throat sorely.

And he convinced himself, again and again, this is better than the inevitable heartbreak of rejection because by then, he wouldn’t have much of a heart to destroy anymore.

It was all being done now.

* * *

It came as a surprise to Jeongin when you approached him during lunch. You used to have lunch Seungmin somewhere in the cafeteria, it was only recently that you have been hanging out more with Jisung (for purposes he did not know of) and that was the only reason why he had Seungmin accompanying him with his usual friend group.

Giving the empty table a scan, you took in the fact that no one else, especially Seungmin, was not present to hear you ask Jeongin about some information your best friend has been refraining from telling you. Heaving a deep sigh, you went over to Jeongin’s side and sat down on the rock bench.

“Hey, how are you doing, (Name)?” Jeongin asked casually, smiling politely at you.

“Honestly? Not very fine,” you shook your head, “I came here to ask you something, actually. I won’t be here for too long.”

Jeongin pouted knowingly, already assuming what you were going to ask about and internally debating what kind of stories he should make up to convince you that Seungmin does not hate you but at the same time not giving away that he is in love with you and had chosen a terrible option to relieve himself of said emotion.

“Do you know what is up with Seungmin lately?” You asked, “I kind of know that he has been having a bad week and I do know that it’s taking a huge toll on him because he hasn’t been very… well,” you waved your hands together, feeling a little embarrassed when you found how clingy you must be sounding, “very responsive?”

Jeongin hummed, “Well, Seungmin doesn’t talk a lot.”

“I know,” you said quickly, “But he doesn’t… he doesn’t have this vibe to him before. He used to be so calm and–” you sucked in a deep breath, finding your vocabulary bank shrinking the more you think.

“He just doesn’t feel like himself, you are saying,” Jeongin said, nodding understandingly.

You wouldn’t be able to explain it, which was reasonable since it wasn’t like you would randomly think of words to describe Seungmin for no reason. You’ve known him for so long, your knowledge of him accumulated throughout the years, and just a couple simple words would never be able to express how you really felt about him.

Your voice was small when you responded in agreement, “Yeah… and he didn’t… uh, you see, we always go to school together and we go home together. I tend to oversleep all the time, it is super annoying and–”

Jeongin was listening very intently to you, but his nonchalant look was sending your paranoia flying off the moon when your emotions were all clustered together into a giant, confusing mess. You were overwhelmed, and any information you were letting out felt personal and unnecessary and stupid. You had no choice but to let the agitation get the best of you, ceasing you of your ability to speak eloquently.

Especially when it has something to do with Seungmin, who you love, who has been pushing you away, who has been making you feel worse than anyone ever has.

“(Name), you can keep talking,” Jeongin said softly, urging you to continue, “What did Seungmin do?”

“He never complains about it and he always waits for me by the door even with the risk of running late,” you said, “But–ah, this is so dumb, this is probably nothing but, he kind of scolded me really badly yesterday morning, and he didn’t even wait for me today.”

“You feel annoyed by that?” He asked.

You shook your head, “No, of course not. I understand if he wants to go ahead, but just… I thought he would give me a little note first. I mean, of course he isn’t obligated to tell me everything but I just feel… I feel really neglected that he didn’t think to tell me why he left early.”

Jeongin hummed, feeling bad for you with every inch of his body. You kept excusing yourself and throwing yourself back on track as if feeling left out by a loved one’s ignorance was an unjustifiable thing to do. You were complaining far too cautiously, pointing out that you are feeling horrible yet continuously giving him the option to believe that you are _just_ overreacting, to think that your feelings are invalid.

“I’m sorry, I see how you could feel that way so don’t worry,” he said.

“Thanks, I just… do you know if he is attending some extracurricular activity this morning? Is that why he didn’t wait for me?” You asked with your brows furrowed slightly.

Jeongin was going to open his mouth to speak, but his eyes traveled past your shoulder to find a figure standing behind you with a stern expression on his face, and he was too late to stop Seungmin from making a mistake of talking.

“Seriously?” 

Jeongin blew out a breath of air, looking away as you turned around to find Seungmin standing behind you with a tray of food. He went over the table and sat down next to Jeongin, not looking at you as he shoved the tray on the rock table.

“Seungmin…” You called out under your breath, surprised.

“The reason why I didn’t wait for you today is because you won’t wake up and I don’t want to be late, alright?” He replied, “I already told you yesterday. If you keep doing this, I won’t wait for you anymore, and guess what? You did it again today.”

“You know I have a bad habit of not waking up immediately,” you said.

“Oh, I definitely do. I am always the one waiting,” he nodded, “There. Happy now? You got your answer.”

Your brows furrowed even further at his rude remark, “Seungmin, why are you acting up like this?”

“Why are you asking Jeongin what’s up with me? I didn’t hide it from you so you can go around snooping the information from my friends,” he said, “I don’t like that, I really don’t.”

You opened your mouth to speak up for yourself, wanting to tell him you also didn’t like being treated this way, but your mind was telling you that the root cause of this argument was you—you were being nosy when you shouldn’t have, you didn’t wake up early, you got Seungmin mad. Everything was your fault, you should not have any say.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered, taking in his annoyed expression before you quickly stood up, only to have Jeongin hold you down gently and uring you not to leave the table.

Jeongin tugged you back to your seat, glaring at Seungmin briefly, “No, let’s have lunch together. It’s okay, Seungmin is just being an asshole.”

You wanted to thank him for his effort but the situation was getting extremely uncomfortable for you. Your emotions were at its peak, lurching over the edge of the bowl and slumping down heavily on your heart you felt suffocating to be within Seungmin’s—the Seungmin you knew nothing of—presence.

“No, it’s fine, I just…” you looked around, your eye glowing at the sight of a familiar face, “Jisung! I have to go, I promised I will have lunch with him.”

Jeongin unwillingly let you go, watching as you leave the area and headed over to Jisung, who smiled welcomingly when you approached him. He snapped his head over to Seungmin, who was stabbing his food with his wooden chopsticks in exasperation, the hopeless jealousy once again clouding his judgment.

Jeongin cursed under his breath. He couldn’t tell why he was so heated over this, it wasn’t even his problem. It was just heartbreaking to see you be dismissed this way, and it was frustrating to see Seungmin act the way he didn’t want to.

“This is so fucking stupid, Seungmin,” he commented.

“Please, what the hell do you know?”

Jeongin scoffed, “You know what, I take what I said back. This is brilliant.”

“I know,” Seungmin retorted stubbornly.

“Fine, good for you!” Jeongin said, “It is going to be really easy for you to stop loving (Name) once they start hating you. Just keep this act up.”

Seungmin ignored his friend’s remark. He continued to shove the food in his mouth, chewing away while letting the stupidity consume him, refusing to acknowledge the fact that none of what Jeongin said would make things easier for him.

* * *

Jisung was furious, he was absolutely furious when you came to him during lunch with a face full of happiness, and as soon as you two turned the corner, you broke down with a string of incoherent words and a set of soul-crushing teary eyes. He didn’t even need to ask to know who had caused your sudden outbreak of pain, he’s heard about all of Seungmin’s rude remarks already.

He just hadn’t realized it got so bad that you were near the verge of tears for it.

It was raining, as the weather forecast had warned the other night. The school entrance was packed with students trying to open up their umbrellas or preparing to run out to the nearest shelter (most likely the bus stop). However, despite the crowded bunch of students wearing the exact same color scheme, Jisung could pick out Seungmin within a blink of his displeased eyes.

The sky was gloomy and dark, filled with an occasional sound of heavy thunder, matching perfectly with Jisung’s unusually deep voice as he yelled out for Seungmin, “Hey! Kim Seungmin!”

Seungmin could recognize the voice immediately. His hands that were holding onto the handle of his umbrella loosened and he contemplated whether he should turn around or make a run for it instead. Talking to Jisung simply was not on top of his priority list at the moment. Not only would he be reminded of you, but he would also be reminded of all of his insecurities regarding all the comparison he did in his head.

Before his unclear head could make a decision, he was abruptly and harshly turned around by the shoulders and dragged all the way to the back of the lobby, where fewer people were crowded around. Surprisingly, he made no attempt to stop Jisung whatsoever.

When the pulling finally stopped, Seungmin gathered himself and he sent Jisung a glare, “What the hell is that for?”

Jisung scoffed, “What the hell is your problem?”

“My problem? You are the one dragging people around, not me,” Seungmin rolled his eyes.

Jisung was beyond irked by his attitude, his eyes narrowing more and more as his chest tightened in exasperation at the fact that you were worrying so much over someone who seemed to care so little.

“What the hell is your problem with (Name)?” He asked sternly, speaking slowly so his words get across clear and menacingly.

Seungmin clicked his tongue. Fuck, even the sound of your name coming from his voice made him want to dig a grave and hide in it forever. Did it sound better when Jisung says it? Did you like it better when he calls your name? He just kept asking himself stupid questions, he couldn’t stop, and he was beyond annoyed by that.

“So they told you too. First Jeongin and now little boyfriend over here knows about my poor attitude and dull remarks,” he said, rolling his eyes in exasperation.

Jisung took a moment to process Seungmin’s words, the confusion that flashed before his eyes made Seungmin feel just a slight bit of shame. Jisung seemed genuinely confused and he didn’t know if it was because he said something wrong or if Jisung simply wanted to get back at him for being a spiteful person.

“What the fuck are you saying, Kim Seungmin?” Jisung asked, “What boyfriend? Whose boyfriend?”

Seungmin blinked, lowering his guard for a moment to reply with innocence, “You? You and (Name)? Aren’t you two–didn’t you two… I saw you two at the cafeteria days ago, with your hands on their cheeks like this!”

Jisung scoffed loudly, baffled. He didn’t even need Seungmin to explain it to him, he could that day perfectly. God, he hadn’t stopped thinking about that, annoyingly, it was driving him crazy.

“Yeah, so what? What about that?” Jisung asked with a shrug.

Seungmin gulped. This was swerving into a direction he did not prepare for—realizing his assumption is wrong. He waved his hand timidly, “I thought… I thought you two are together–”

“Because of that fucking move? Seungmin, I can do that to you right now and my heart will not burst.”

“But you two have been hanging out all the time! (Name) was mentioning you in our conversations and talking about how… how…” Seungmin’s mind went blank, “How much of a nice friend you are.”

A nice friend. Oh wow, break two hearts at once, won’t you? Jisung shook his head, still baffled but also feeling a hint of contempt towards Seungmin.

He shrugged his shoulders, sticking his tongue to his inner cheek as he smiled sarcastically, “Is that why you are so rude? Because you think we are together, or that (Name) likes me more than you?”

Seungmin couldn’t speak. Jisung was calling him out spot on and he didn’t know how to defend himself.

“Did you even try to ask? Did you even try to make sure you are right? No, all you did is jump to conclusions and make horrible decisions,” he continued, “(Name)’s feelings are all over the place because of you! All because you can’t take a little threat to rejection!”

“A little threat? It was not–you were all over them–”

“I was telling them to try that on you, you goddamn idiot!” Jisung yelled, the same time the thunder sounded so he did not catch anyone’s attention. His eyes were wide, so annoyed and mad and defeated, “(Name) has been in love with you this whole time, they were asking me for help!”

Seungmin completely blanked out there, unable to process the new piece of information and finding his brain short-circuiting at the mere idea of you feeling the same way back for him. Unbelievable, he wanted it so much he couldn’t believe it happened when he actually got it.

Had he lost it? Through the horrible ways he treated you. Had he lost you because of his own idiocy?

“They… they do? But when… when did that…”

“It doesn’t fucking matter, Seungmin,” Jisung said, “The thing is they loved you and you just shoved them away like that–fuck, of all people they could have fallen in love with, they pick you?”

Seungmin furrowed his brows, “Out of all people–you think I want to treat them that way? I got scared because I am so in love–”

Jisung gave him a shove on the shoulder, his eyes still wider than ever and filled with pure rage and cynicism, “Shut up, this isn’t about them.”

Seungmin did, he clamped his mouth shut.

“Don’t you dare pin your personal problems on (Name) because this, whatever conflict is going on in there,” Jisung said, poking at Seungmin’s chest, “It’s all you. Don’t you use your love for them as an excuse for your mistakes.”

Through the gritted teeth and ruffling of his smooth hair, Seungmin was able to pick up right away that Jisung wasn’t doing this simply because he cared about you as a friend. There was something more, there was something he found familiar in Jisung’s movements, a hint of resonance in the way Jisung looked at him.

He had been looking at him the same way—rage, jealousy, annoyance, anything negative one could think of. And so much despair, the twisting of your chest from knowing that the person who loves you does not love you back being morphed into a genuine expression he couldn’t hold back.

Seungmin’s eyes dropped, the malice casting to the floor as he flashed Jisung an apologetic look, “Do you–”

“Yes,” the answer came far too quickly, Jisung gulped nervously, his eyes darting everywhere in the lobby. “I tried not to but I did. Half of me wanted you to continue with whatever you are doing, but even then, I can’t… it is not fair on (Name).”

Shame filled up in Seungmin’s chest as he looked at Jisung, who stood before him with rejection written all over his face. The worst part was that he didn’t even have the chance to hope for the best, the truth was laid on your palms for him to see. Yet he stuck with you like the great friend he was.

“Don’t look so surprised,” Jisung spat, speaking in response to what Seungmin didn’t point out verbally but everything was pretty much shown in his expression—the grim gaze and the clenched jaw.

“Seungmin, you don’t treat people like shit just because they don’t like you back. That makes you beyond pathetic,” he continued.

“I was hurting,” Seungmin spoke quietly, “Thinking about you both hurts me.”

“It _should_ fucking hurt you, that’s how you know you love them,” Jisung said.

Silence descended upon the two, leaving only the puffing of breaths as the aftermath of such a thunderous conversation. The two looked at each other, with more understanding than their initial reaction.

Seungmin sighed, “(Name)… do they hate me now?”

“I don’t know,” Jisung shrugged, “I don’t think so, though.”

Oh, Seungmin, take it from the love stories. No one is ever going to bother with hating you if they don’t care about you. The same way you hated Jisung, the same way you hated (Name), and the same way you hated yourself.

It is away cliché like that.

* * *

You jolted awake at the continuous tapping on your shoulder, your eyes snapping open despite still feeling groggy. Glancing outside the bus window, your unclear mind tried its best to focus on the ugly orange lights on the ceiling and the many other empty buses surrounding the area.

“What… this isn’t my stop,” you muttered under your breath, your mind started to process quicker in panic when you found out that you seemed to be at the wrong place.

“Then you probably missed your stop, kid, this is the final station.”

You opened your eyes to the bus driver standing in front of you. His face was contorted into a look of impatience, his feet tapping obnoxiously on the ground and his hands placed on his hips as he waited for your prolonged response.

“The final–oh shit,” you cursed, realization hitting you a minute too late. Reaching into your pocket, you fished out your phone to look at the time, humming in surprise when you saw a few text notifications from your parents.

Shifting your eyes upwards where the giant clock was located on the screen, you sucked in a breath when you saw that it was nearly six o'clock, “How has it been three hours already? The final station isn’t far from my school!”

“Look outside, kid, it’s raining cats and dogs. No one is walking home today so the traffic is stuck,” he shrugged, “Bet you got a good nap though, seeing that you missed your stop.”

“No, actually, it was kind of bumpy,” you said honestly.

“Whatever you say,” he rolled his eyes, “Just get out of the bus, my shift is done! The next bus driver is probably gonna arrive in a few minutes, you can wait outside!”

Upon his hollering voice, you pursed your lips together and quickly stood up. Fixing the straps of your school bag, you bowed your head politely at him before you quickly got off the bus. The humid air hit your face, almost immediately pressing your uniform to your skin and causing you to grimace.

As you made your way to the correct bus station, standing behind the line of people quietly waiting for the bus driver to arrive, you clicked on your phone to dial your mother’s number. It picked up after a couple of rings.

“Hey mom,” you said, feeling a little embarrassed, “Yeah, I slept through the ride and I missed the stop. I am waiting for the bus now though, so I will probably be back before seven.”

Your mother, sounding a little annoyed at your carelessness on the other line, was speaking in her usual nagging voice until the line suddenly cut off. You blinked in confusion, pulling your phone away to find yourself staring at a black screen.

“No… oh my god, are you kidding me!” You exclaimed as your thumb rapidly pressed the power button, receiving no response no matter how hard you pressed on your phone.

As you let out a few puffs of air from your cheeks, admitting defeat but also showing your irritation through slapping your palm to the phone screen several times as if it could hurt the inanimate object, the lights inside the bus were turned on, signaling the driver’s presence.

The line started to move while each passenger headed on, paying their respective fees before going inside to look for a seat. It is a daily routine, you didn’t even need to look to know exactly where to swipe your card. It was almost like any other times you’ve gotten on a bus, the only thing that startled you was the loud and long beep that sounded from the machine.

**Not enough money.**

“Oh, um… sorry,” you moved away in a panic, standing to the side so other passengers could move on first. Shoving your card back into your coin bag, you quickly fished deeper into the bag in hopes to find some physical money to use, but much to your dismay, you’ve got no coins in your coin bag, only large cash that definitely over-pays the actual fee.

Looking up, you were hoping you could ask some strangers for help but seeing that everyone looked more deadly—due to the pouring rain and sticky weather, you believed—than friendly. The idea of holding everyone up sent you a shiver down your spine so, after a very sane debate in your head, you decided to simply get off the bus.

“Um, excuse me, do you know where the nearest convenience store is so I can reload my card?” You asked the bus driver, hoping he could give you a short answer so you didn’t have to feel the pressure of hallucinating everyone’s glare on you.

“Huh? Convenience store? Go that way, get out of the station and just keep walking straight, you will see one.”

You bowed and quickly got off the bus, feeling slightly thrown away as you watched the bus take off. Cranking your neck around, you pursed your lips at the empty station and grimaced at the pouring rain outside the open building.

Damn it. You just want to go home.

* * *

Seungmin heard a knock on his door and he perked up quickly. His heart jumped the same way his head snapped up from his phone and he got off his bed to open the door quickly. When he saw the strange look on his mother’s face, he was quick to retreat and stood back up straight.

“Sorry, I thought (Name) is here…” he muttered, smiling a little, “But um, what’s wrong, mom?”

“(Name)’s mom came over to ask you if you know where they are, she said they are still not home yet,” his mother said.

Seungmin raised an eyebrow instinctively. He looked up at the clock hanging by the wall and his chest heaved in concern. The clock struck six around thirty minutes ago. He shook his head as he turned to look back at his mother, holding up the phone in his hand, “I–I don’t know, actually. Did she try texting them?”

“We all did. I did, their parents did, but there is no response,” she shrugged, “Their mom said they were talking before the line suddenly cut off and then she couldn’t reach them anymore. I think she said something about (Name) missing the stop and they slept until the last station.”

“Oh… they always check their phone so it is either their phone died or…” Seungmin shut his mouth quickly, fear creeping through his heart and to his brain as he thought of all the possibilities. Not to mention this was partially his fault, he turned you away when you approached him after school, once again with barely a respectful glance and spiteful words.

“I–I might know where… I just…” His breathing quickened dramatically as his mind spread out the mind-map of all the tragic things that could have happened to you out there, with you being all alone and without an umbrella and possibly a useless phone.

His mother watched with concerned eyes as he turned around and grabbed his hoodie, hastily throwing it over his hand and pulling it down down his torso. He grabbed his wallet from the table and made sure his phone was with him before he brushed his way out the bedroom door.

Seungmin’s movements were jerky and fast, almost as if he wasn’t thinking sanely. Frankly, he wasn’t. He has been waiting for you to make another attempt at talking to him and he was so prepared to use that as an opportunity to give you a genuine apology and, if the courage calls for it, a long-awaited confession. The whole waiting process was him perfecting what he wanted to say—how sorry he was and how much, oh, how fucking much he loves you.

And then his life threw him this: your sudden disappearance. His subconscious kept telling him that he was overreacting to a simple problem, that you were probably already on your way home and you would laugh at him with a soaked uniform, and then he would scold you gently as he always did, taking care of you like he always has.

But Seungmin supposed his insanity started from that perfect image, exactly at that point, where anything could pose as a threat to his happiness, to you. The slippery road, the dark sky, the suspicious paths—your clumsy-self won’t get out of this, he believed, and he knew he wouldn’t be able to stop feeling anxious until he finds you himself.

Seungmin cursed after throwing his parents a short goodbye, rushing out of his house with the umbrella in hand.

He is going to find you.

* * *

After walking several blocks down the road, past nothing but empty plazas and mostly closed shops, you finally came across a café that was still opened for those who wanted to take shelter until the rain fades away.

Thankfully, the owner was able to lend you a charging cable for your dead phone so you would be able to contact your parents again, not without giving you a small lecture on how you should always memorize important numbers so you wouldn’t have to rely solely on the saved contacts on your phone.

You waited patiently there for a couple minutes, deciding to order a drink and start your homework considering you would probably be spending some time in the shop. It was after your phone was almost charged halfway to the maximum when you finally powered it up and called your mother again.

“Hey mom–” you immediately pulled your phone away when she suddenly yelled at you, angry that you still weren’t home yet. “Sorry! My phone died and my card ran out of money so I had to walk to the nearest convenience store to reload it, but I stayed in this coffee shop instead and charged my phone.”

The shop owner, who had been looking out for you in an extremely nosy manner, felt a little relief to know that you are finally on the phone with your mother. She looked away from your seat and glanced past the window, her brows furrowing slightly as she caught a glimpse of bright blue.

Snapping her head back curiously, she hummed at the sight of a lost-looking boy outside with a giant umbrella in his hand.

Seungmin could feel the rain drizzle past his umbrella and stain the fabric of his hoodie when the droplets fall. Although his mind had calmed down since the terrible bus ride, he didn’t think there was even one single second where he couldn’t feel his heart hammering against his chest, like a constant reminder of his sole purpose of heading out into such a bad condition so he wouldn’t get sidetracked on the way.

Looking around the road, it was hard for him to miss the welcoming lights glowing through the glass windows of the café. It was the only shelter among the empty area, after all. Glancing inside the window, he took his time to scan the area inside, his chest heaving gently at first before a knot suddenly tightened around his throat.

You were already approaching the front door, having his presence be pointed out to you through a café owner’s bewildered voice. Pushing open the door, you shielded your head with your hands as you rushed over to Seungmin’s side, hiding under his umbrella when you were finally by his side.

“Hey, Seungmin! You’re here!” You exclaimed, putting a hand on his wrist as a way of showing your appreciation for his unannounced and very unexpected arrival.

“Yeah, I came to find you,” he scoffed, “This bus driver knew where you went, fortunately.”

“Oh, you asked the bus driver huh? Is it the one with the white hair?” You said, waving your hand around your head.

“He barely has any left, (Name),” he rolled his eyes.

“Oh, that’s true,” you giggled, “Aw, he remembers me, that’s really nice!”

Seungmin clicked his tongue in annoyance. Somehow he got defensive, about what he wasn’t very sure. He just knew he was both baffled and irritated by your nonchalance when everyone else—when _he_ was—worried sick of your whereabouts.

Glaring slightly at you then, he breathed out a heavy sigh that made your expression drop in disappointment, “It would also be really nice if you didn’t oversleep and miss the bus stop. Now can you please go get your things so we can get out of here? The rain isn’t gonna stop anytime sooner.”

He brushed past you to walk into the coffee shop, expecting you to follow behind yet, half-way through the mini-path back inside the shop when he turned around, he found you standing rigidly back where you two originally stood. It was dark out but he could still faintly see the outline of your downward arched lips.

Groaning, he spun on his heels and marched back over to you, a scold hanging at the tip of his tongue, “(Name), can you not do this here? It is raining really heavily and I don’t want–”

“Why are you doing this?”

Seungmin stopped talking. Your voice was soft, a little broken if he could hear it more clearly, like you were having a sore throat and you had to force your voice out of you. He fixed his gaze on your face, being fairly sure that the water droplets on your face were more tears than rain.

“All you’ve done the whole week is yell at me. Every time you see me, you tell me I did something wrong or I did something you don’t like,” you said, your voice croaking in between, “Why do you keep scolding me, what did I even do?”

You looked at him after a moment, your almost hateful eyes (almost. They were more beat than ever) piercing through his thick skull like the penetration took no effort. The crumbling of his emotional walls took down the bones of his ribcage in the process, leaving his heart out in the open, vulnerable to your words and your tears.

Crying. You were crying while telling him exactly everything he did wrong, and Seungmin didn’t know what to do.

Your wrecked sobs were more prominent than the shrieking thunders sounding through the sky, a sign of nature backing down before the appearance of a broken heart.

Seungmin could hear the shattering of his glass heart upon seeing your face so scrunched up with agony, not to mention he acknowledged that the frown lines on your face were all that he carved.

“I’m… I’m so sorry, (Name). I’m sorry, I was being a coward,” he moved closer to you as he confessed everything honestly. He threw away his pride and dignity, admitting to his wrongdoings in hopes to gain even a fraction of your forgiveness. “Seeing you with Jisung together… I got afraid of my inadequacy, I didn’t think you would choose me over him and… and I got angry and jealous.”

He simply lost his mind, he told you.

The rain pattered down the edge of your skin and the blue cotton of his hoodie without regards to the lover’s revelation the both of you were experiencing. Seungmin bravely took another step closer to your shivering body, your sobs still puncturing holes in his perfect memories and sipping through the gaps to stain the happy moments he’s ever gone through with you.

“I’m so sorry, (Name),” he cooed with a hand reached out to your back to pull you close and his cheek nudging your forehead affectionately, “I promise I won’t ever take it out on you again. I am not going to scold you for no reason ever again. I’m sorry.”

You inhaled deeply. Those words—the words you have been yearning to hear from him—sending relief straight through your veins yet for some reason, even after knowing Seungmin wasn’t mad at you anymore, you felt the urge to cry more than laugh.

The tears welled up rapidly and they rolled down your cheeks, your feelings unstable after having the heavyweights all swiped off of your shoulders in one go. You clutched onto Seungmin’s hoodie, fearing the possibility of a dream for the first time.

Seungmin continued to whisper meaningful apologies to your ears as you pushed yourself against him, feeling his presence until you’ve calmed down again.

“I was really hurt by what you did, Min. I thought you hated me and I just,” you sniffed, “I was scared too because I am so in love with you.”

He tensed up. With it being his deepest desire, it was really surprising to him when he realized he absolutely did not know how he should react. Seungmin pulled away only a little, his eyes still filled with remorse but with a little more endearment this time, and he asked, “What?”

You laughed funnily, “Yeah. I am in love with my best friend! This is so stupid. I even went to ask Jisung for help but, umm, I guess it is always easier to just tell you upfront.”

Twisting and turning your body ever so adorably, you finally let yourself stare into the eyes of your bewitched lover, and you could only marvel at the fireflies of fondness and warmth dancing through the two breezy windows.

Seungmin softened, with his mind and soul, with his body and heart. You love him and he loves you, the equation is so easy yet his heart gets smashed into fragments at the idea of it, and he could only wait trustingly for you to slowly piece him back together.

“You are in love with me…” he said.

“I am in love with you,” you repeated.

That was all it took for him to drop the umbrella, welcoming the salty rain that melted along with your sweet tears as he cupped your cheeks and kissed you passionately.

Your lips were wet, your clothes were sticking to your skin, and you two were cold under the brutal wind. But none, absolutely none, could overpower the indescribable sensation of this exact moment, where his lips desperately and sweetly clung on top of yours—it was an act of declaration, promising yourself an eternity of only love and intimacy.

You had curled a fistful of his hoodie by the time he reluctantly pulled away, prepared to yank him back towards you if he hadn’t kept his nose against yours in a long Eskimo kiss.

The silence was graceful in the wake of the heated kiss you two shared, and Seungmin still occasionally pecked your lips under the rain because he just couldn’t get enough.

He could never get enough.

“I am in love with you too,” he whispered, taking your lips again and lingering a little longer than the previous ones.

He felt your lips curl up, and he smiled back with a chest filled with roses, his broken bones replaced with petals you’ve planted around his heart. The rain surrounding you both dissolved when it hit the warmth radiating from your figures, not adding discomfort anymore and only the sweet scent of delicacy and vulnerability of this significant moment, a moment you two would always recall in the future.

The moment was perfect but it didn’t last very long. A honk was heard, startling you both. You two pulled away with a dramatic jump and turned your head to the side to find you father looking out the window of the passenger seat of his car, extremely unimpressed and most definitely, extremely irritated.

“Oh right, I was going to tell you but I forgot,” you said, “My mom said she is going to pick us up here–well, dad ended up coming, I suppose. I was talking on the phone before you came!”

Seungmin’s jaw hung open as he looked up from you and at the car, quickly diverting his gaze when he caught eyes with your father. The color drained from his face a moment later.

It might have just dawned on him that your father might have witnessed the entire first kiss session, and there was a slight possibility that he had timed his appearance so you two could get your affections across before he, well, embarrass you both with his presence.

Seungmin squeezed his eyes shut.

Could this get any more predictable?

* * *

Seungmin could hear the heavy, excited footsteps outside his room. He mentally groaned to himself, his plan to get some peace and quiet on his sick day ruined as soon as his friends’ voices came through the door.

It opened slowly after a few knocks, and he who popped his head in to check was none other than Jeongin. After giving him a small look of dismay, Jeongin shrugged and walked in with the door wide open for the others to slowly pile in too.

Seungmin kept his exhausted eyes open to give his visitors a glance. Jeongin, Jisung—excuse him, what? He sat up slowly and his brows furrowed at the sight of Jisung, who seemed to already know the little scoff was meant for him because he gave a faint little smirk (it was meant to be more of a sneer).

“I got your notes and homework here,” Jeongin started, putting down a small stack of paper on his desk and tapping the surface with his fist twice. “I am gonna write on your agenda so you can keep track of what’s due tomorrow and whatnot.

"Thanks,” Seungmin said, turning his head over to look at his desk, grimacing at the pile of work waiting for him as soon as he flu heals up.

“How did you get sick? (Name) seems fine at school today,” Jisung popped in when he found a spot.

Seungmin raised an eyebrow at him, pulling a face and tilting his head, “Because I stood under the goddamn rain? How else?”

“Didn’t (Name) stand in the rain with you too?” He said, squinting his eyes.

Seungmin stared at him for a moment, trying to understand how Jisung came to vaguely know what happened yesterday.

“I had lunch with (Name) today–”

“I was there too so hold your horses,” Jeongin chimed in nonchalantly, looking back and forth between the papers as he scribbled away on the calendar.

“Yes, you were. They told us everything… well, almost everything,” Jisung said, “We guessed the other half of it.”

“What do you mean by the other half?” Seungmin asked, “Jeongin, what do you guys mean by the other half–what do you two know?”

Jisung laughed, unsure why Seungmin felt agitated by something so trivial (it was _not_ trivia at all) but he found enjoyment in watching him squirm in dismay and not being able to do anything about it, so he continued.

“Dare I say, Seungmin, I didn’t take you for the romantic type,” Jisung teased, adding a dramatic knee slap.

Seungmin rolled his eyes, about to get out of his bed and tackle Jisung to the floor but he was stopped just in time, fortunately, as you slowly walked into the room and popped your head in to access the situation.

“Hey, (Name),” Jeongin greeted first despite not seeing you walk in, causing you to blink in surprise.

“Hey Jeongin,” you returned, looking from his back to Jisung, who mirrored the bright smile on your face. Then your eyes settled on Seungmin, who was bedridden. Your smile softened upon the sight of his small, pursed smile, and you quickly made your way over to his bed.

Seungmin felt a rush of triumph when you got on the bed and slumped yourself on top of his figure, a gentle sense of victory at knowing that Jisung was present to witness you voluntarily shower him with the affection he yearned for.

“Get a room, you both,” Jeongin rolled his eyes.

“We did, this is my room. You just barged in,” Seungmin retorted with a smirk, looking over at Jeongin, who could not have been affected by the public display of affection due to him not even looking your way. Shaking his head then, Seungmin breathed out a small chuckle as he returned his attention to you.

“(Name), you’re gonna get sick,” Seungmin urged after a moment, his hands that were originally combing through your hair went to push against your shoulders. It was to no avail, however, as you had twisted your arms around his torso and laid your head comfortably on his warm chest.

“Please, even the rain can’t keep me in my bed,” you laughed, snuggling closer to him. “You’re warm, I like it.”

Seungmin blushed when Jeongin coughed funnily to cover up a fit of laughter. Jisung, on the other hand, was fidgeting on his spot and looking at anywhere but you.

He managed out a small chuckle after silence dawned upon you all for too long, and he cleared his throat to give himself a head start to propose his departure. He pushed himself off the wall and headed over to the door, only glancing back slightly when he said his goodbyes, “I’m gonna go.”

You looked behind your shoulders, smiling at Jisung, “Aww, okay then. I will see you at school tomorrow!”

He flashed you a grin, “For sure! Get well soon, Seungmin.”

The door closed behind him and he hurriedly left with a grieving heart that would, hopefully, soon be repaired by another pair of gentle hands.

You hummed after Jisung left, returning your head back to its original spot, on Seungmin’s chest where you belonged. Nuzzling your head close, you once again relaxed into his dangerously warm embrace as silence wrapped your three into a peaceful atmosphere.

It took Jeongin a few minutes to make sure he did everything right. When he was finally done, he dropped the pen on the desk and looked over to Seungmin. Clamping his mouth shut immediately, Jeongin let himself bask in the startlement he felt when his eyes landed on you two.

Your eyes were closed with no regards to anything outside of the safe bubble that was Seungmin’s arms and the blanket he managed to drape across your back. Your chest heaved carefully with his, your hearts helping each other beat at a shared rhythm.

Seungmin looked the most kind he has ever been. His traces on your back were careful and tender, luring you into a deep sleep so he could admire you fondly without giving you the opportunity to tease him of it.

Jeongin let out a faint smile. He reached for his backpack and swung it over his shoulder, feeling happy for Seungmin and simultaneously feeling bad for Jisung. He approached carefully, looking at Seungmin with a raised brow, “I’m gonna go, looking at you both makes me sick.”

“Tsk, wait until you find someone then you’ll know,” Seungmin retorted quietly, letting out a small cough at the end.

“You two got together just yesterday and suddenly you’re an expert?” Jeongin laughed pointedly. He squeezed the straps of his bag, his eyes rolling skywards as he put himself in deep thoughts for a short second before he hummed, “Well, I suppose you are. You’ve been in this for a long time after all.”

“What are you saying, I can’t keep up,” Seungmin asked.

“I’m saying you two are cliché as fuck,” Jeongin said, starting to count off a list with the aid of his fingers, “Let’s see. You have best friends to lovers, not realizing you both love each other, almost a love triangle, one person getting lost and the other one finding them, jealousy. Oh! Don’t forget kissing in the rain!”

Seungmin blinked, “So you do know what happened?”

“We didn’t, I guess it and you just confirmed it,” Jeongin shrugged, “Checking off kissing under the rain right now.”

Seungmin scoffed. He hadn’t been thinking about this whole cliché subject for a long time and quite frankly, he didn’t really appreciate Jeongin bringing it up with such a mocking tone.

What’s so bad about being cliché?

“Get out, Jeongin,” he rolled his eyes, his voice laced with a playful tone, finding himself unable to act on his thoughts.

“I was planning to, you don’t have to tell me,” Jeongin returned the eye-roll, backing up, “Tell me if I can add more to the list. I’ll even send up a checklist if you want, you sappy piece of shit!”

Seungmin clicked his tongue. If it wasn’t for you, he would have hauled a pillow at Jeongin’s face already.

Jeongin left and now the room only has the two of you.

Seungmin gave the window a small glance, not quite liking the sunlight that boldly shone through yet illuminated only the corner of his room. Peeling his eyes away from the sun to look at you, he breathed out a shaky breath as his hand moved to caress the side of your face, gingerly running his finger down your temple, to your cheek, to your jaw.

His eyes were adoring the sight of you, never once did they move even a fraction away as he ran his hand through your hair and watched you unconsciously scrunch your nose in your sleep.

“Cliché, huh…” he whispered under his breath, pairing with a hearty chuckle. His head leaned against the back of his bed so he could comfortably scoot his body down to be in a more reclined position. His eyes looked up at the ceiling when his head hit the pillow, the job of adoration left in the hands of his arms and fingers as he delicately touched your sleeping form.

“Doesn’t matter,” he replied to himself, “I don’t care.”

Seungmin doesn’t care about clichés.

As long as he is with you, he thought to himself. When you are with him, then the clichés don’t matter.


End file.
